10 Common Engagement Ring Etiquette Questions, Answered

An engagement ring is one of the most significant pieces of jewellery you’ll ever own or give. Whether you’re engaged, hoping for a proposal, or planning to pop the question yourself, it’s natural to have plenty of questions. Especially as you may want to follow tradition or “engagement ring etiquette”. From selecting the right design to navigating budgets and dealing with preferences, engagement rings come with a lot of considerations.

Here, we tackle 10 of the most frequently asked questions about engagement ring etiquette to make the process smoother and less stressful.

1. Can couples shop for engagement rings together?

Absolutely, engagement ring etiquette has changed! In fact, more couples than ever are choosing to go engagement ring shopping together. If your partner asks for your input and you’re excited about the idea, it’s a great way to ensure you get a ring you love. However, if you’d prefer the element of surprise, don’t hesitate to tell them that. You can always drop hints or better yet enlist friends or family members to help guide your partner towards your style preferences.

2. Can a family member help my partner pick out an engagement ring?

Yes, it’s perfectly fine for a family member to assist with picking out the engagement ring. In fact, there’s no surprise here if this isn’t already normal engagement ring etiquette. If you don’t want to be involved in the ring selection get your (or their) close family member or friend to be your eyes and ears. Just make sure to be clear about your tastes. Share examples of styles you like, like if you prefer sapphires over diamonds or love Victorian styles but not Art Deco. This ensures your partner gets guidance while keeping the experience a surprise.

Or why not go ring shopping with your (or their) family member/friend, there’s no better way to find out what ring fits the by trying a bunch on. They can then relate the findings back to your partner- James Bond covert mission style.

Why not make a (covert) appointment and visit our London Showroom with your fellow spy, we promise we won’t tell on you!

3. Do we have to wait until after the proposal to shop for wedding bands?

Not at all! Some couples choose to shop for both the engagement ring and wedding band at the same time. There’s no rule in engagement ring etiquette about the wedding band. In fact, this may be helpful if you want your wedding band to complement your engagement ring perfectly. Plus, some jewellers offer discounts when you buy both together, always a bonus. Whether you decide to wait or shop for them together, it’s all about what feels right for you as a couple.

4. How much is too much to spend on an engagement ring?

There’s no universal answer here—it all depends on your personal financial situation. If you’re in debt or facing financial uncertainty, it’s wise to set a reasonable budget. On the flip side, if you’re worried about your partner overspending, have an open conversation about finances before they go ring shopping. Remember, an engagement ring should be a symbol of love, not a cause for financial stress.

We cover this in greater detail at our article, entitled How Much Should You Spend on an Engagement Ring?

5. Do you really have to spend three months’ salary on an engagement ring?

The so-called “three-month rule” is a long-standing myth and is not part of traditional engagement ring etiquette. In reality, you should only spend what you’re comfortable with. While you can use this rule as a guideline, there’s no need to follow it rigidly. It’s far more important to consider your financial goals as a couple. Discuss your budget, then explore rings that fit within your financial plans—whether that’s above or below the three-month suggestion.

For a more in-depth answer, have a peek at How Many Months’ Salary for an Engagement Ring?

6. Can both partners contribute to the engagement ring?

Yes, it’s perfectly acceptable for both partners to contribute financially. If your partner loves a ring that stretches beyond their budget and you’re comfortable pitching in, feel free to offer. Similarly, if you can’t afford the exact ring your partner wants, it’s worth having a conversation to see if they’re open to contributing or if there’s another ring option they love that better fits your budget.

We provide all the info you need on this topic in Should You Split the Cost of Your Engagement Ring With Your Partner?

7. Does only one person get an engagement ring?

Traditionally, only one person receives an engagement ring, but times have changed. If both of you want to exchange rings, you can plan a joint proposal where each of you gets a ring. This is a wonderful way to personalize your engagement and make it a shared moment of commitment.

At The AJC we think it’s time for ‘Ring-ing’ in Equality: The Case for Men’s Engagement Rings.

8. Can I ask for a specific diamond carat size?

It’s okay to express your preferences but be mindful of your partner’s budget. If there’s a certain carat size you love, let them know, but also consider alternatives if it’s not within their price range. For instance, lab-grown diamonds are an affordable option that could allow you the desired carat size.

Antique engagement rings are both a sustainable and cost-effective option with no “newness charge” (VAT). You get all the (real) quality, without the extra cost.

9. What if I don’t like my engagement ring?

If your partner picked out the ring entirely on their own, it’s understandable that it might not be exactly what you envisioned. Give yourself time to adjust—it may grow on you after a while. If, after some time, it still doesn’t feel right, it’s important to tell your partner. Though it seems against engagement ring etiquette honesty is always the best policy. Start by emphasizing how much you appreciate their effort and the love behind the choice, then gently explain what about the ring isn’t quite your style. Remember, it’s okay to have a say when it comes to a piece of jewellery you’ll wear for life.

To navigate this (more normal than you think) situation in more detail here’s How to Respond If Your Partner Doesn’t Like Their Engagement Ring.

10. Do I have to propose with an engagement ring?

Not necessarily. While the tradition of proposing with a ring is strong, it’s not the only way to show your commitment. If you prefer a different approach, like gifting a meaningful piece of jewellery, writing a love letter, or planning a romantic trip, that’s perfectly fine. With engagement ring etiquette in mind, be sure to talk to your partner beforehand, if they’re expecting a ring, so there’s no misunderstanding during the proposal.

The AJC have collected 6 Clever Ways to Propose Without A Ring, which could provide a dash of inspiration to this scenario.